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Our close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome numerous challenges, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's repeatedly caught off guard by others. Her spouse ended their marriage, which came as an unexpected event. Several of close acquaintances disappeared then, as they were focused solely on her husband. This surprised her deeply. She put in greater energy to be my friend, likely realised better the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, quite a few of her friends have drifted apart leaving her certain of the reason. Her last employer became hostile, despite the fact that she had been highly competent, her exit happened not understanding why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, both of us retired leading to more frequent meetups, yet I realize my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I introduce topics of conversation and she changes the talk toward what interests her. In terms of politics, she holds strong opinions. I attempt to propose double-checking information and alternate views.

She's been organizing a holiday abroad I've visited repeatedly and lived in for some time. I attempted to share personal experiences, however, my input met with resistance. She essentially solely sought me to confirm her plans. I recently come back from four weeks in that place she hopes to meet, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, however, I feel she will ever understand the impact of her actions on my confidence. At this point, I am in distancing myself. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

You could end things abruptly, however, that approach is rarely the peaceful resolution that we desire. But confrontation with a view to a solution takes courage and readiness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one requires explaining what typically happens during your discussions. This needs to be as factual as possible and essentially what a recording device would replay. Next involves sharing her how it leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no disagreement on this point. Your feelings are valid, naturally. Step three involves requesting ways you together can shift the pattern between you."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, thus requiring you to remain ready to hear that. A helpful technique is telling your friend:

"It's your turn to speak while I will not say anything for half an hour."

It's remarkably effective in fostering understanding.

Final Thoughts

She may dismiss your concerns, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative regarding their experiences they cannot release because their very survival depends upon it and it's all they trust. This poses a challenge as there is no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could initially present defensively and then think about what you've said. And should you don't achieve an agreement, it will give you closure that you've been open and direct.